Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Searching for the Perfect Roommate

It started innocently enough. I've been looking for a new roommate on a roommate website and for the longest time I have not been getting much in response to the messages I send out or to my profile. The few messages I have gotten were from people who obviously did not read my profile. Then, suddenly, yesterday I get a couple of messages in response to my profile. Ok, I made a mistake. I was bleary eyed tired and, well, let's look at what is happening now...

This was the message in my roommate mailbox:

Master bedroom for rent on the east side. I am very laid back and have a dog.


I responded impulsively thinking maybe temporarily it would be more space and a better place than this one I am in now. I assumed the place was right around here, the east side of this town. That was my mistake. I responded before looking at the profile:

Not what I'm looking for, but... how much, what street, how many live there, your house or rental?

Thanks,


That's when I checked the profile and it said...

I am a very laid back easy person. The bedroom is going to waste since my dad passed away and is just to quiet. I have a very loving dog that love people but is afraid of his own shadow. All 75 pounds of him. The back porch is a great place to sit back on and have a drink or entertain.(telephone number)


See what I mean, innocent enough. But then I and realized the place was way off my travel route and it would add at least an hour to my drive every day, a lot more time if I had to do it during rush hour (or $6 a day in tolls and still a lot of extra drive time and a lot of extra mileage on my car and that means the car will need to be replaced sooner and that means less money for life and all in all, moving that far from where I work and play is unwise to the nth degree).

So I quickly wrote:

Hey, should have looked at your profile. Your place is way too far from work and my other activities for me and I'm not looking to rent a room. I have a washer dryer and a lot of stuff in storage. Looking for a roommate to share an apartment or house so we share everything 50-50.

I hope you find someone who's looking for a room in your area.

Thanks,


He responded to the first message I sent:

no one but me lives in this house oh but my dog


Then he responded to the second message I sent with two messages:

ok ### ### ####


Immediately followed by...

I have a lot of roo to store things in the garauge.


Yes, his telephone number again. Then another attempt to sell me. So me being a nice empath who sensed I got the guy's hopes up and let him down, I sent him another message reassuring him why his place was not for me and reassuring him that I would send him a lead if I found anyone looking in his area. I wrote this:

Thanks for trying, but I spend almost all of my time at work in Sanford or playing softball in Altamonte. I can barely get to softball from work some nights now. You're at least a half hour from anywhere I spend time and I don't have the time to add an hour of travel time to every day.

Thanks, really, if I hear of anyone looking in your area I'll pass them along.


That's when I thought we were done, but three hours late this guy started sending messages, short messages, slightly odd messages, messages that suggested he was either having some language issues or some serious distractions, but why speculate, let's just look at the next group of messages he sent before I responded again...

10:12 PM...

Well I live here by my self. My house. So why you say not interestered.


then 10:14 PM...

Well you say not looking for. Then why the email.


then 10:21 PM...

Well then.


So I responded again. Maybe it was a mistake, but at 10:24 PM I sent him this:

Your place is just too far from where I work and play ball, nothing personal. I wish you well :)


Done, right? Well, so I thought. As I said, the phone rang a lot today. I answered a couple of times and it was a robo call for something, I forget what. I get back here from work and find an email telling me I have new messages on the roommate site. So I click and find the following messages from the same guy:

Sent 12:19 AM

You looking to rent?


then, sent 12:20 AM

House is ina calasack only 3 houses.


then, sent 2:35 PM

Now one lives here you want the address 600 a month my house so you say not what you looking for


then, 2:58 PM

You can be my new roomie.marco 407 365 6260


then, 3:08 PM

room ready what you looking for look at it tonight


then, 3:22 PM

You want to see the large master 600 a month


then, 3:40 PM

hey you come over you want the address


then, 4:10 PM

you are just nuts 2348 irish bank ct oviedo fl


then, 4:11 PM

you comeing over tonight


Ah, the internet, aye? Yeah, someone does not know how to take no for an answer. All sorts of possibilities fly through my mind, but the fact is this guy is retired and does not communicate well and appears to obsessive on delusions with the too-much-time he has on his hands. Other than this weird and even a little creepy one way conversation he's started, $600 to share a 4 bedroom two bath house on a cul-de-sac that has just three homes is so right purely based on space. He's offering the master bedroom. It's been empty since his father died. He lived with his dad, just him and his dad. He sounds needy. He sound like someone I'd adopt. And if he is having financial challenges and doesn't want to come out of retirement or can't work for some reason, He sounds like what might be my worst nightmare lol.

Ah, speculation. The fact is, 22-35 minutes spending $4 in tolls ever trip according to google which is usually consistently under-estimating traffic around here. So my day would start at 6:30 AM, the latest. Add $2.50 in gas and we are talking an extra $30-$35 a week in travel expenses just to get to work. That raises the rent by $125-$150 a month. The alternative route is 35-75 minutes according to the low-balling google. Do I really need to explore the rest of my typical travel day?

Work to softball, 25-40 minutes. Softball to this guy's house, 25-50 minutes. So adding 10 minutes to each trip because I frequently find traffic leads to ten minutes more time than google's high time, that is 3 hours and 15 minutes more out of my day which means softball is no longer fun when I have no energy to play. Work day is 9 hours minimum and I average 9.5 hours, usually. so that s almost 13 hours then add 1.5 hours for softball and we have a 14 plus hour day without adding in eating, using the bathroom, bathing, cooking, shopping, taking deep breaths, or anything else.

He's right about one thing, I'm just nuts lol.

So how are you?

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Lady in Need

This is a public service announcement for anyone who receive an email from Sgt. Rosine Smith or any similar emails. Just in case any of you want to get your knight in shining armor on...

Hello dear friend,
Nice to meet you , It's me Sgt. Rosine smith from the South Eastern State of the United State (Kentucky) based in Kabul Afghanistan, I hope all is well with you? I am working with the United States Air Force peace keeping troop in Afghanistan, on war against terrorism. I have in my possession the sum of $3.5 million ( three million five hundred thousand united states dollar ) Which i made here in Afghanistan.

I deposited this money with a Red Cross agent. I want you to stand as my beneficiary and receive the fund and keep it safe until am able to meet you. I am in an urgent need to move this box out from here because they are planning to move some troop out of Afghanistan and i am among, Now i am left with no option than to move this box to a safe place, that is why i contacted you and i believe in you.

You will assist me to invest in a good profitable venture, I will give you 30% of the fund for your assistance after you have receive the box as a way to show you my appreciation. Kindly reply back to me if you are willing to work with me so that i can send you the information where the money is been deposited, your urgent reply is needed. All i need from you is honest and trustworthy.

PLEASE DO NOT BETRAY ME AS I HUMBLY PLEADS WITH YOU

Yours faithfully
Sgt .Rosine smith


Now there are many among us who might have received this email from this Sgt. Rosine Smith who apparently does not know how to spell her military rank of Sergeant or wear the proper insignia on her sleeve in the photos, but she does provide proof below that she earned the rank of Airman First Class so this must be legit, right?



If you still have not realized this post is sarcastic and still believe the email you received from Rosine and are hoping to receive 40$ of 3.5 million dollars in your future, you might want to (or wish you had) read this first. You can find even more to laugh (or cry) about on this helpful website.

Happy Interneting :)